Love Maps Part 2

Today we move on to the next part of love mapping. How did it go last week? If you missed our first post on enhancing our love maps, click here!

Asking open-ended questions is crucial to your marriage and your growing relationship! Not only is it important to ask the questions, but it is more important to remember the answers that your partner gives! I recall a couple years back sitting down with my husband after the kids had gone to bed. I recall him asking me a question; I can’t even remember what it was anymore. I thoughtfully answered the question and after I did I looked over and he was asleep! I was slightly frustrated to say the least; I mean seriously why ask if you aren’t listening? He woke up about the time I finished and responded, “Oh I didn’t hear you. Tell me again.” So I kindly told him again. What do you think happened? Yep! Asleep again! As I finished I was so irritated, just in time for him to wake up! His response is comical now, but at the time it was not! He told me that my voice is so soothing it just puts him to sleep. Are you kidding me?! Of course I thought he just didn’t care then. Since then we have discovered if I want him to pay attention and remember what I say I cannot tell him anything important after 9:30pm.

            Asking open-ended questions invites growth in the relationship while you share experiences you have had, emotions you have felt, and opinions with one another. It shows that you are interested in your spouse and interested in growing your relationship with one another. Dr. Gottman gave a great list of questions we can ask in his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. If you haven’t I highly recommend you pick it and read it! This list is adapted from his book.

1.     How would you like your life to be different 3 years from now?

2.     Do you see your work changing in the future? How?

3.     What do you think about our home? If you could would you change it? What would you do to it?

4.     If you lived 100 years ago how do you think your life would have been different?

5.     How do you compare yourself to your own parents? What are the qualities that you are glad you have? Is there anything you would like to change that you inherited?

6.     What kinds of people do you think our children will become? What are your hopes and dreams for them? Do you fear anything for them?

7.     How do you feel about your job these days? (could be adapted to someone who doesn’t work, by saying how do you feel about staying home and raising the kids these days?)

8.     If you could go back in time and redo a 5 year period of your life what period would that be and why?

9.     How do you feel about being a parent? What is your biggest struggle right now?

10. If you could pick one thing in your past to change what would you change?

11. What is the most exciting thing that has happened in your life so far?

12. If you could magically acquire three new skills what would they be?

13. What do you worry about the most in regards to the future?

14. Who are your best friends right now?

15. What qualities do you value the most in your friends?

16. What are your best memories of being a teen? What are the worst?

17. If you could choose to live in another time period what would it be? Why?

18. If you could go back to school and start over, what career would you choose?

19. What is the one thing you would change about your personality? Why?

20.  Do you feel like certain things are missing in your life? What are they?

21. Do you think you have changed in the last year? How have you changed?

22. If you could pick one thing to work on right now about yourself what would it be?

23. If you could design the perfect house, what would it look like?

24. Have your goals in life changed since we last talked about them?

25. What are your dreams right now?

26. What goals do you have for our family?

27. What goals do you have for our marriage?

28. What goals do you have for yourself?

29. What are the highlights over the past year? Low lights?

30. Where would you want to go on our next vacation?

Asking questions and really getting to know your spouse will deepen your bond and relationship! Have fun getting to know each other better!

Blog Post inspired by John Gottman’s Bestseller, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide From the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Harmony.